It's been a long time comin', but change gon' come

  I think one of the harsh realities of life is that you cannot control how other people are going to act. No matter how right you are, how eloquent your opinion sounds...People are going to do what they want. The majority of them don't care how you feel about it either. 
  One of the most difficult times I had accepting that as reality was with my mom. She was on drugs and there was nothing I could do about it. No matter the tears I've cried or how many different ways I tried to get her to stop, she just wouldn't. I did everything to try and stop her. I cussed out the drug dealers and blocked their calls. I even flushed her whole bag after searching her purse and finding her stash. I've fought a fight I could not win many times over.
  looking back, I probably could have saved my energy for other things that were under my control. I don't regret showing my deep concern but I realize now that god has a big job on his hands and that he really Is the only one capable of taking it on. I can show I care but I cannot change people. 
  it's really a control issue I've always had. I never could accept people acting in a way that I thought was wrong. I always tried to force change. I thought maybe if I could figure out a way to get them to see they were wrong then everything would change. Well, I was wrong. 
  god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can....uugghhhh. I get it now. it's prideful to think that I have the power to change things that are out of my control. the only thing I can do is pray and set up good boundaries. let go, and let god. you know all those clichés are actually useful if you put them to work. it sets you free from fighting god's battles. we are meant to influence, but people are ultimately in charge of their response. 
  there has been many times I've fought for other people's lives. I've tried to stop many family members from using drugs. I've tried to save my grandma from getting taken advantaged of. I've tried to get people to understand that god loves them and wants them to turn to him. I've tried to make them change. it was all for the better, but in the end they still chose to stay on the same path. I ended up frustrated but with an understanding of how God feels when we refuse his correction. when we just say no to what he knows is best for us. 
  I am amazed at how patient he is. if it were me I would get too frustrated too easy and say throw em all in hell because of their stubbornness. But then, I am forced to look at my own condition and how stubborn I have been all my life. I am reminded of how patient god has been with me and how merciful he really is to keep dealing with me gently. I realize that god shows me his heart through the struggle. he shows me that I am not god and that I have no power to do what only he can do. he shows me that he is perfect in his judgement and that he is patient. he shows me again just how much I need his mercy and grace and how desperate prayer is the only option for the impossible. he shows me that he alone is god and he is faithful. I know now that I cannot control how people change but I can pray to god who is mighty to save and able to  turn the hearts of his people. I feel like it's taking forever and it's been a long time comin', but change is gon' come....hallelujah